They say you never know for sure that you’re done having kids, but chances are you know in your heart when you’re done and both Steve and I felt that with Briggs.
We also let the kids know that this baby with be the caboose to our family. Which is why Hallie more than anything was hoping for a sister, she knew it was her last chance. Her disappointment was visible and it was heartbreaking to see her having a hard time. Shortly after we found out another boy would be joining the family, I made it a goal to go through the bins of girls clothes we had stored in the attic. I had been hanging on to this clothing since Hallie was a baby. Never did it cross my mind, in my young and naive state, that Hallie would be my only daughter. Obviously, I wouldn’t have held on to that clothing for that long had I known otherwise.
I went through bin after bin of clothing and aside from a few special pieces, I donated the contents.
One afternoon, Hallie came into the laundry room and saw me drowning in pink clothing. She recognized some of it from pictures we have of her wearing the clothing. This is how our conversation went down:
Hallie: What are you doing?
Kara: Just going through this clothing so we can give it to someone who needs it.
Hallie: But what if we need it?
Kara: Oh honey, we’re not going to need any of this for a boy.
Hallie: But what if we have another baby?
Kara: I don’t think that’s going to happen, and even if we did – chances are it would be a boy too!
She looked around the room and left. I started talking to her as she walked away and I could tell she didn’t hear me. I went to find her and found the bathroom door shut. When she walked out a minute later, her eyes were red and swollen.
We talked. The fact that this baby was a boy cut her deep and she was having a hard time accepting the fact that she would never have a sister. I asked what would make her feel better. She asked if she could go through the clothing with me and keep some of the clothing to give to her daughter someday. It was a great idea.
I probably went through 7 or 8 bins of clothing before Briggs was born, knowing very well there was more in the attic I hadn’t touched.
This week, I completed the task. I went through the last 5 bins of girls clothing. And out of 5 bins – this is what I kept:
A couple dresses I made and a few other pieces that Hallie can remember wearing. There were moments of nostalgia as I touched each piece checking for stains before being donated. I could picture Hallie in almost every single item of clothing and we’ve got more than enough pictures as evidence. It was quite therapeutic for both of us to sift and sort and talk. And now we’re done.
We kept a little, we donated a lot. I now have stacks of empty pink bins and a lot more attic space that needs to be used!