Last fall, we were working hard on the backyard, getting it ready for the wedding reception we hosted. While we were in the middle of this grind, it was General Conference for our church and we listened to President Dallin H. Oaks. He said, “Parents should educate children in the basic skills of living, including working in the yard and home.” I could feel Benentt’s eyes burning through me from across the room and without hesitation he said, “Check!”
His comment made me laugh. We certainly don’t get everything right as parents, but one thing we have managed to do is work – really work – as a family.
We bought this house knowing it needed a complete overhaul, inside and out. And it has taken us years and years to work through these projects. Our kids were young when we started working as a family and their contribution was minimal but appropriate for their age. Hunter was just reminding us of our front yard project where they spent hours picking rocks out of the dirt. There was significant hand-holding and I don’t remember all the details but we probably broked up a couple sibling fights as well!
Looking back, those little jobs were the beginning of something bigger.
I’m happy to report that years of working as a family has produced some beautiful results and the kids have become capable workers. Their contribution in our master suite has been significant and I am grateful for the time we’ve worked side-by-side
I would be lying if I didn’t admit there is still hand-holding and breaking up quarrels. Kids are often concerned that someone isn’t home putting in their time, or they feel the injustice of working harder than someone else, or they want to know exactly when they can make their exit and move on to the fun part of their day. The good and bad – it’s all part of working as a family and building relationships.
And a family that works together, stays together. Which means we’re stuck together like glue!
Hallie came home late Friday night after hanging out with friends. As per our typical routine, she sat in the chair in the office and shared the happenings of her evening with me.
After she was done sharing, she asked how Hunter’s soccer game went that night.
It was a tough game (with large stakes) that ended in tears and as I recounted the game, the feelings I had experienced earlier that night started to bubble to the surface once again and the pit in my stomach returned. I was sick for the team and especially Hunter with how their season ended.
I recognized and even verbalized there was nothing I could do to change the outcome but sometimes you sit with the pain your children feel. In that moment, Hallie reminded me of the seeding committee meeting that was taking place the next morning that would determine the bracket for the state tennis tournament. Suddenly Hunter’s game was in the rearview mirror and the pit in my stomach shifted to hoping Hallie would be seeded correctly giving her the best chance at state.
The next morning, we learned Hallie was seeded for doubles at #5 in the state – this was our best case scenario and we were so happy for her. She was equally stoked.
Parenting is fascinating – within 12 hours we were mourning with Hunter and celebrating Hallie. Being a parent can be emotionally taxing! In the grand scheme of things both events were trivial – neither were going to be life changing and probably not even remembered years from now. But this weekend they were a big deal to them and because they were important to them, I took on their emotions and owned them as my own and they spanned the gamut.
When Hunter was hurting, I was too. When Hallie was ecstatic, I was too.
Isn’t that the story of parenting?! I have young kids with young emotions – I can only imagine how much harder this is going to be when they’re older with bigger heartbreak and even larger joy.
I’ll take these young emotions as building blocks for not only them but also myself. 🙂
We are in an interesting phase of life. We have a revolving front door with all ages running through and its become a little bit of a balancing act. Weekends have to be planned so Hallie and Hunter know when they can brings friends over and have full access to the hangout room. And if neither of them claimed dibs, you better believe the other three are chomping at the bit to host a pool party or a movie night or whatever other genius plan their minds conjure up. I can play referee to 6-year-olds one afternoon and then entertain teenagers the next.
Our home is always open. Is it always clean? Nope. But they know they’re welcome here and I’m not going to freak out when a dozen kids are traipsing through my kitchen with their wet feet after I just mopped the floors (even more reason for me to mop them less often – as if I needed an excuse).
Hunter decided to host a gathering a couple weeks back. The plan was to play frisbee dodgeball at the church and then come back for cookies and swimming and the invite list was extensive. (And in situations like this it’s always an open invite. So every person who asked if they could bring another friend, the answer was always yes.) I’m not sure how many people couldn’t make it, but I do know that 38 people decided to come. And they had the best time.
As a parent, I’m happy they’re here because I get to know every single one of them and that is worth the messy floors and dozens and dozens of cookies consumed.
One weekend evening, our house was quiet and Steve was heading off to bed as I slipped out to grab Hunter from a friend’s house. While picking Hunter up, I was chatting with the mom and catching up when I saw a call come through from Steve. Finding it odd he was calling so late, I picked up the phone, “Hallie’s group just arrived and they don’t want to see me, they want to see you so come quickly!”
And just when I thought my night was winding down, it was in fact ramping up and I wasn’t even sad about it. I was excited at the idea of seeing Hallie’s friends and feeding them cookies.
After a heavy week of hosting every age of kids, I came across this quote on Facebook and I couldn’t relate more – I am a middle mom.
I am a middle mom and this has to be the sweet spot of parenthood. We are in the thick of every age and it’s exhausting, but so great and rewarding. It is rare that a day goes by that we don’t have welcome visitors/playmates and it makes for a busy but joyful (at times joyfully loud) home. Hoping we can make this stage last as long as possible because we sure do love a full home.
I was talking with my mom on facetime. The kids were playing and we could hear their cackles vibrating off the walls.
Before long, they were running through the office (in the background of my video) giggling and playing. My mom commented how nicely they were playing together. But every mom out there knows siblings can go from happy and playing to crazy mad and fighting in not time flat.
Not ten minutes later, I could hear Briggs wailing. Their playing/pre-fighting had quickly turned to real fighting and Briggs, as the youngest and smallest, was at the mercy of an older brother and he was not happy about it. Luckily, kids forgive quickly and before long, they were right back to pre-fighting!
We’re in an interesting stage of life. Our kids are actively involved in school and sports and church and it keeps us occupied. Last week was exceptionally crazy when Hunter and Bennett both had weekday soccer tournaments and Hallie had weekday tennis matches. Its a juggling act we didn’t anticipate would be quite so intensive.
It was just two years ago when the world shut down and every sport/school/activity was cancelled and it was just our family hanging out. I think Steve still longs for those days back. He’s more sensitive to the constraints on our time and wishes we all gathered around the dinner table as an entire family more than we get the opportunity to.
I agree with him in some regard. But then I look at each kid individually and acknowledge I would do just about anything to support them in their interests. If Bennett is excited about battle of the books – I want to be excited to. If Hallie is committed to tennis – I want to be committed to tennis. If Hunter wants to dedicate time to soccer – I want to dedicate time to soccer. (The younger two are still in the early stages of their interests)
I want them to be committed to something, I want them to have to work hard, to give up “hanging out” with friends, to wake up early on the weekends. I want them to experience loss and failure and frustration as well as the reward of sweet victory.
All of which comes at a cost – and the biggest cost right now seems to be time.
We’re still trying to find that balance between raising a family and building individuals who will grow to be contributing adults.
